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Where Did The White Man Go Wrong
Heh.
An old Indian chief sat in his hut on the reservation, smoking a ceremonial pipe, and eyeing two U.S. government officials sent to interview him. "Chief Two Eagles," asked one official, "you have observed the white man for 90 years. You've seen his wars and his material wealth. You've seen his progress, and the damage he's done."
The chief nodded in agreement.
The official continued, "Considering all these events, in your opinion, where did the white man go wrong?"
The chief stared at the government officials for over a minute and then calmly replied, "When white man found the land, Indians were running it. No taxes, no debt, plenty buffalo, plenty beaver, women did all the work, medicine man free, Indian man spent all day hunting and fishing, and all night having sex." Then the chief leaned back and smiled, "White man dumb enough to think he could improve system like that."
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Bigbrother? - never heard of
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08.07.2003 08:24 |
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18.07.2003 11:31 |
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stefanie
Mitglied
Dabei seit: 05.11.2001
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23.07.2003 18:48 |
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Quick And Clever
A man came home from work, sat down in his favorite chair, turned on the TV, and said to his wife, "Quick, bring me a beer before it starts."
She looked a little puzzled, but brought him a beer.
When he finished it, he said, "Quick, bring me another beer. It's gonna start."
This time she looked a little angry, but brought him a beer. When it was gone, he said, "Quick, another beer before it starts."
That's it!" She blows her top, "You Bastard! You waltz in here, flop your fat *** down, don't even say hello to me and then expect me to run around like your slave. Don't you realize that I cook and clean and wash and iron all day long?"
The husband sighed. " Aw fuck, it's started."
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Bigbrother? - never heard of
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31.07.2003 12:12 |
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Countdown Age
A policeman was patrolling near midnight at a local parking spot overlooking a golf course.
He drove by a car and saw a couple inside with the dome light on. Inside there was a young man in the driver's seat reading a computer magazine and a young lady in the back seat calmly knitting.
He stopped to investigate.
He walked up to the driver's window and knocked. The young man looked up, obligingly cranked the window down, and said, "Yes, Officer?"
"What are you doing?" the policeman asked.
"What does it look like?" answered the young man. "I'm reading this magazine."
Pointing towards the young lady in the back seat, the officer then asked, "And what is she doing?"
The young man looked over his shoulder and replied, "I think she's knitting a sweater."
Confused, the officer asked, "How old are you, young man?" "I'm nineteen," he replied.
"And how old is she?" asked the officer.
The young man looked at his watch and said, "Well, in about twelve minutes she'll be sixteen."
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Bigbrother? - never heard of
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10.08.2003 15:51 |
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Pikantje
Reisende
Dabei seit: 27.07.2001
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From the state where drinking and driving is considered a sport, comes a true story from Texas.
Recently a routine police patrol parked outside a local neighbourhood bar. Late in the evening the officer noticed a man leaving the bar so intoxicated that he could barely walk. The man stumbled around the
parking lot for a few minutes with the officer quietly observing.
After what seemed an eternity, and trying his keys on five different vehicles, the man managed to find his own car which he fell into.
He was there for a few minutes as a number of other patrons left the bar and drove off. Finally he started the car, switched the wipers on and off (it was a dry night), flicked the hazard flasher on and off, tooted the horn and then switched on the lights.
He moved the vehicle forward a few inches, reversed a little, and then remained stationary for a few more minutes as more patrons left in their vehicles. At last he pulled out of the parking lot and started to drive slowly down the street.
The police officer, having patiently waited all this time, now started up his patrol car, put on the flashing lights, promptly pulled the man over and carried out a breathalyser test. To his amazement the breathalyser indicated no evidence of the man having consumed alcohol at all!
Dumbfounded, the officer said "I'll have to ask you to accompany me to the Police station. This breathalyser equipment must be broken."
"I doubt it," said the man,..............
.................................. "Tonight I'm the designated decoy"
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11.08.2003 22:15 |
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stefanie
Mitglied
Dabei seit: 05.11.2001
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15.08.2003 13:30 |
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Holy humor.
Brother John entered the 'Monastery of Silence' and the chief monk said, "Brother, this is a silent monastery, you are welcome here as long as you like, but you may not
speak until I direct you to do so."
Brother John lived in the monastery for 5 years before the chief monk said to him: "Brother John, you have been here 5 years now, you may speak two words."
Brother John said, "Hard Bed."
"I'm sorry to hear that" the chief monk said. "We will get you a better bed."
After another 5 years, Brother John was called by the chief monk.
"You may say another two words Brother John."
"Cold Food," said Brother John, and the chief monk assured him that the food would be better in the future.
On his 15th anniversary at the monastery, the chief monk again called Brother John into his office.
"What are your two words you want to say today."
"I Quit." said Brother John.
"I'm not surprised," said the chief monk. "You've done nothing but whine and complain since you got here."
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Bigbrother? - never heard of
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16.09.2003 10:39 |
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Ah, Genies Wishin'
A man was walking along a California beach when he stumbled across an old lamp. He picked it up and rubbed it and out popped a genie. The genie said, "OK, so you released me
from the lamp blah blah blah, but this is the fourth time this week and I'm getting a little sick of these wishes. So you can forget about three. You only get one wish."
The man sat and thought about it for a while and said, "I've always wanted to go to Hawaii but I'm too scared to fly and I get very seasick. So could you build me a bridge to Hawaii so I can drive over there?"
The genie laughed and replied, "That's impossible. Think of the logistics. How would the supports ever reach the bottom of the Pacific? Think of how much concrete....how much steel you will need. No, think of another wish."
The man agreed and tried to think of a really good wish. He said, "I've been married and divorced four times. My wives have always said I don't care and that I'm insensitive. I wish that I could understand women. To know what they are thinking when they give me the silent
treatment, To know why they are crying, To know what they want when they say 'nothing'...."
The genie replies, "Do you want that bridge with two lanes or four?"
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Bigbrother? - never heard of
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28.09.2003 07:53 |
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Brad Pitt, Tom Cruise und Dieter Bohlen sterben und
kommen in den Himmel. Nach der Ankunft vor dem
Himmeltor sagt Petrus zu ihnen: "Wir haben nur eine
einzige Regel hier im Himmel, nicht auf die Enten treten!"
Sie betreten also den Himmel und tatsächlich: Enten
über Enten überall. Es ist nahezu unmöglich, nicht auf
eine Ente zu treten, und obwohl sie ihr Bestes geben,
um das zu vermeiden, tritt Brad auf eine Ente.
Petrus kommt zu ihm mit der hässlichsten Frau, die er
je gesehen hat, kettet sie aneinander und sagt: "Zur
Strafe, dass du auf eine Ente getreten bist, wirst du
den Rest der Ewigkeit an dieses hässliche Weib
gekettet verbringen!"
Am nächsten Tag tritt Tom auf eine Ente und Petrus,
dem nichts entgeht, eilt herbei und mit ihm eine
andere extrem hässliche Frau. Er kettet sie aneinander
mit derselben Bemerkung wie bei Brad Pitt.
Bohlen hat dies alles genauestens beobachtet und
achtet in Folge peinlichst darauf, wohin er tritt,
damit ihn keinesfalls dasselbe Schicksal ereilt. Er
bringt es auch tatsächlich fertig, monatelang
umherzugehen, ohne auf eine einzige Ente zu treten!
Eines Tages kommt Petrus zu ihm mit der schönsten und
überwältigendsten Frau, die er je gesehen hat. Eine
große, gebräunte, kurvige super-sexy Brünette. Petrus
kettet sie wortlos aneinander. Bohlen, zuerst völlig
sprachlos, bemerkt dann zu ihr: "Ich wüsste nur zu gern,
wie ich es denn verdient habe, den Rest der Ewigkeit mit
dir verbunden zu werden."
Sie: "Ich bin auf eine Ente getreten!"
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Bigbrother? - never heard of
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17.10.2003 18:52 |
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